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THE INTERNAL EDITOR
by
EL MAXWELL
Overcome your internal editor!
Recently someone asked me how I battled my internal editor during
writing. I sat back, pondered the question for some minutes and had to
answer that I apparently hadn't got an internal editor. This was as
surprising for me as for my friend and so, when I had my peace, I
thought some more about the issue.
I went back to the time, when I had just taken up writing. I'm
convinced that I didn't have an internal editor back then, judging from
what I wrote and that I actually dared to show it to people. But then
something changed. Now I think a lot about what I write, how I write
and exclamations like "This sentence is absolutely awful!" are very
familiar to me.
Nevertheless I'm convinced that I'm able to write with the experience
I've gathered in the meantime, but without that dreadful person in my
head criticising every word I bring to paper. So I started to analyse
why I was so secure back then, when I should be much more secure now,
that I've learned so much, and instead have become much more insecure.
I was a newbie. I didn't know, if anyone wanted to read my story, but
posted it nevertheless. Someone commented on it and I was happy. That
was the first time I experienced that rush, when someone likes a story
you've written. I felt good and wrote another part of the story. And
another part and another, on and on. Then I joined a writing community
and everything changed.
I had to deal with many aspects of writing I didn't know about before.
One of them was judging your writing. I took a look at what I'd written
before and shrugged. It had been good enough before.
Yet, the more I advanced in this unknown territory, I grew more
critical and my perspective changed. To some extent this has made me a
better writer. But it also made me a self-conscious writer. Suddenly I
wondered whether I had got all the little things right. Was my
storyline consistent enough? Was it plausible? Had I made my characters
flat or round? Could I really be sure that they weren't just
stereotypes in another new shiny package?
At the same time, I noticed that people were reading my stories. And
they liked them. Some of those people I'd considered really great
writers (I still do), so I was very much flattered by their approval.
Again this made me more self-conscious of my writing. As it is with
such things, I felt the need to keep that high level. I felt that I
couldn't disappoint any of them. What happened after that? I didn't
show my writing to anyone for a long time, convinced that it all was
horrible and couldn't be seen by anyone before I hadn't revised it
thoroughly.
Now that I had found the most prominent changes, I sat back and
contemplated them for a while.
There is no internal editor in your head. That person judging you are
you yourself, but with the eyes from an outsider. Well, sometimes we
need to do that, looking at our work like someone else would see it.
But there's also a great danger imbedded in this. Someone else would be
totally neutral towards your work, whereas you yourself obviously
aren't. People with a low self-image will see their work much more
critical than an outsider, someone with a high self-esteem would
probably consider their work better than it is. The latter kind usually
doesn't have many problems with their internal editor.
I myself, however, belong to the former kind. So I thought my stories
were far worse than they actually are (as many people have assured me
of and no one of them has got a reason to lie).
The editor in our heads is nothing else than our own ambitions and the
pressure we ourselves put us under: the pressure to never fail, not to
disappoint anyone, to live up to one's reputation. This editor knows
our weaknesses just as well as we do and everything it tells us focuses
on these our weak points, judging them mercilessly. So, basically it
all boils down to your own self-confidence, as with many things.
It would be an easy solution to just tell you to grow more confident of
yourself and your abilities. But, as I said, that's too easy. Changing
your image so fundamentally takes a lot of time and even more effort.
You have to come to believe that you're good at what you do. This isn't
to be achieved in terms of days or weeks. It usually takes months,
sometimes years.
So this isn't going to be the advice I'll give you. I recommend,
though, that you give your self-image a good scrutiny and try to work
up more confidence, no matter what you do. It'll help you with more
things than just writing.
For the people who'd like to know how to achieve a fast change:
unfortunately, there isn't a formula for getting rid of your internal
editor completely. Unfortunately, there also isn't way to shut it up
immediately. You'll have to contribute some time to this and practise
it for some time to get an effect. But hey, that's the way everything
is? You don't lose weight by fasting one day, either.
We've found that you can't make it shut up. Yet, you can "blend it
out". Listen to music. Every time the dreadful person shows up, listen
to the lyrics and ignore them. Don't listen to anything they want to
tell you. Don't think about ways to fix that sentence you just wrote.
When they're gone, go back to writing. Lather, rinse, repeat. You'll
find that they'll show up later each time, that the intervals in
between visits will grow longer. Then, someday, you'll find that
they're there, but that you don't care anymore.
Assure yourself of the fact that your writing isn't bad. Show it to
some friends who'll tell you the truth. Get some real crits from other
people. Don't be shy. The fact alone that you've written makes you
special. You shouldn't ever forget that.
Try and find a way how to cope with your internal editor with your own
ways. Every person is different and while these approaches work well
for me, they might not work so well for you. Nevertheless, you should
learn how to live with them. I find that sometimes my internal editor
prevents me from making some mistakes. But don't let them dictate your
life. You're the one in charge. Keep this in mind and you shall not
fail.
Copyright © Sabine Hunsicker,
2004. All rights reserved.
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