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PRIORITIES
by
NICK KIDDLE
How many times have you been told “You need to get your priorities in
order”? Parents use it on their children all too often, but they
have no monopoly on the phrase. Anyone who believes they can run
your life better than you can will come out with it.
In some situations, we do need to get our priorities in order.
When looking for a new job, for instance, a clear idea of what you need
and what you will settle for helps you choose the job that suits you
best from the opportunities available. Is it more important to
you to make good money, or to call your weekends your own? More
important to have colleagues you can socialise with or to have work
that challenges you intellectually?
The key phrase is “to you”. Only you can figure out what your
priorities are, because there is no master set of priorities that
everyone shares. And just imagine if there was. If money
was everyone’s top priority, for instance, we would struggle to find
enough doctors or teachers – or writers for that matter.
Those who tell you to get your priorities in order too often forget
this. Rather than suggesting you should understand your own
needs, they mean that your priorities should more closely match
theirs. They imagine the master set exists and they hold
it. Having the wrong priorities becomes an error, a childish
mental aberration that the older or wiser must cajole you out of for
your own good.
It never works. If your top priority is the chance to tell your
stories, no amount of money or social status can take its place.
You can turn your back on your ambition and try to forget you ever had
that dream, but that will only make you miserable. It won’t
change your priorities. (Of course, if doing what your elders and
betters expect of you is more important to you than your own happiness,
that’s a valid choice of priorities too.)
And then there are those priorities that cause so many quarrels, that
lead so many relationships to disintegrate into recriminations.
For what are values but moral priorities?
Is it more important to be economically fair or to protect the
weak? More important to punish wrongdoers or to prevent tragedies
repeating themselves? Is national security more important than
freedom of speech? Everyone has his own answer to these
questions, everyone who holds his own opinion on such topics. Our
values arise from within us – you might even say they define us.
Which explains why it’s so hard to discuss a question of values
“logically”. My logic can be as flawless as yours, but if our
values differ we may reach opposite conclusions. Because as with
priorities, there is no master set of values. My greatest good is
not your greatest good.
To keep arguments within civilised limits, it helps to bear all this in
mind. You can demonstrate with flawless logic that your opinion
is the reasonable one in a given argument, but since you started with
the unspoken assumption that your values are right, you’re arguing in a
circle. Put your case as logically as you can, but don’t be
surprised when your opponent makes the opposite case with equal
skill. Don’t try to suggest that anyone holding the opposite view
is intellectually or morally lacking, and avoid debates with people who
do.
Of course, that assumes that preventing quarrels is one of your
priorities…
Copyright © 2003, Nick Kiddle.
All rights reserved.
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